The Lost Art of Courtesy in Job Searching: A Personal Journey

As with many others in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic profoundly impacted my life, affecting not just my physical health but also my career and mental well-being. Like countless individuals worldwide, I faced the heart-wrenching reality of job loss due to the uncertainty brought on by the virus. This experience, compounded by ageism, has left me reflecting on the changing landscape of respect and courtesy in the workplace.

Many businesses worldwide were forced to make the difficult decision to let employees go, and I was among those affected. As someone in my 40s, I find it increasingly challenging to secure a new position in an environment where ageism has become even more pronounced. Ten years ago, for every ten job applications I submitted, I received interview offers about 60% of the time. Fast forward to today, and that rate has plummeted to less than 5%.

One disturbing trend I’ve noticed is the slow demise of respect and courtesy in hiring practices. A decade ago, HR departments were more responsive and engaged with candidates who closely matched the roles they advertised. Today, many applicants are met with automated responses instead of meaningful communication. This decline in basic courtesy is disheartening.

I have friends and contacts in HR who share my belief that courtesy and respect are essential components of any workplace. Recently, I applied for a C-level role at a well-known company (which I won’t name out of respect, despite my urge to do so). I was thrilled to receive an interview offer within 24 hours. However, just two hours before the scheduled interview, I received a brief cancellation email stating, “Our apologies, but we need to cancel this meeting for today.” While I understand that schedules change, the lack of follow-up was telling.

After reaching out to inquire about rescheduling, I received no response. I followed up again three days later, knowing that they likely did not wish to continue the process. Finally, I sent a last follow-up ten days later, motivated by the desire for closure. I may be old school, but I believe that basic courtesy — whether in the workplace or in everyday interactions — should never be overlooked.

Ultimately, I did receive an email informing me of the rejection, which I had anticipated. Yet, this experience compelled me to write about the important role of human resources in shaping a company’s culture. HR professionals should embody traits such as:

- Leadership and Navigation
- Ethical Standards
- Business Acumen
- Relationship Management
- Global and Cultural Effectiveness
- Consultation
- Communication
- Common Courtesy
- Motivational Skills
- Courage

Throughout my 20+ years of experience, I have cultivated these skills, starting my career in the security industry, which was once riddled with violence and intimidation. I focused on transforming that environment by emphasizing clear communication and respect rather than aggression. This approach not only created a safer workplace but also fostered a culture of empathy.

I have faced dangerous situations throughout my career, including encounters with weapons. In 99% of those cases, I managed to defuse potential violence by treating individuals with respect and empathy, demonstrating the power of active listening and communication.

In closing, these essential skills should be fostered within HR departments and across all workplaces. While companies are important, the individuals who apply for positions invest time and effort into the process, whether out of necessity or because they aspire to work for a respected organization.

The respect I had for one potential employer has been diminished due to a lack of common courtesy. While many HR professionals I know still value traditional forms of respect, the world is changing, and we need to advocate for a return to these principles.

To my fellow job seekers, especially those of us approaching middle age: we are not fodder to be discarded. The world needs individuals of all ages, races, creeds, and backgrounds. Diversity enriches us all. Let us encourage a culture of respect and courtesy in the workplace — it’s a necessity for our collective well-being.